


Forgive me for I am not acting myself (I'm sorry I don't mean to scare you at all)

by Fox (Spacefoxen)



Series: You and Me are a We [1]
Category: Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Graphic depictions of depression, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Pancakes, Pre-Relationship, Sleepy Cuddles, and doesn't realize that Eddie's is off, anne is a good bro, it frightens them, venom has no reference for 'healthy' human brain chemistry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 14:08:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16536032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spacefoxen/pseuds/Fox
Summary: Eddie smiles lightly before sighing. He pushes himself up into a sitting position and groans. He slept way too long and now his body is nothing but an aching mess. He pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, eyes shut tight.Eddie okay?Yeah, Bud. Just give me a sec, okay?He blinks his eyes open in dull surprise when he feels Venom swarm up to curl around his neck. His eyes meet Venom’s glassy white ones.Whatever Eddie needs.Despite Venom not really having a face at the moment, Eddie thinks they look completely earnest.Eddie feels something in his chest crack and he lets out a stuttering breath.-------Or, Eddie wakes up feeling numb and depressed one morning and Venom tries to help.





	Forgive me for I am not acting myself (I'm sorry I don't mean to scare you at all)

**Author's Note:**

> So! Who knew the combination of a depressive episode and a Disaster Bisexual and the alien goo who loves him would lead to nearly 4k in two days? I certainly didn't. But here I am.
> 
> I woke up feeling much like Eddie does here the other day and I decided to try coping by writing an entirely self indulgent drabble on my work breaks. Somehow it ended up turning into this. 
> 
> It's a highly personal piece - It's a direct reflection of how I experience my depression some days. I only wish I had a partner like Venom to help me move through it. Alas, I do not. But writing it out certainly helped. 
> 
> Please note that not everyone experiences depressive episodes (or depression in general) the way that is portrayed here. My experiences are just some of many and everyone deals with it in their own way.
> 
> I haven't seen the movie in a few weeks now and while I have the first two volumes of Costa's 2016 run, I have yet to read them. So please excuse any OOCness that might be present here.
> 
> Thanks to BizLiz for the beta and my discord buddies for encouraging me. I love you guys.
> 
> Title from Bear's Den's _Bad Blood_

Consciousness comes to him slowly and with it, the inevitable awareness of his surroundings. He is cocooned under a pile of blankets, the warmth of them almost uncomfortable. The beginnings of a dull pressure in his bladder inform him that he'll have to get out of bed eventually, but he ignores the pressure and rolls over onto his side. He groans, his body cumbersome and aching, and grudgingly opens his eyes. 

 

His vision is blurry, his eyelids heavy and gummy. It is bright. He knows this should be cause for alarm, but he can't recall why and he really doesn't care, anyway. He closes his eyes again and draws his knees up towards his body, the blankets shifting and bunching up around him.

 

He feels dull. Listless. Heavy. 

 

He curls up tighter.

 

His Other shifts within his chest, a warm, content feeling radiating outward and all through his body. On any other morning, the feelings coming off Venom would bring a smile to his face. Not today. Instead, the warmth dissipates, leaving him numb and more aware than ever of the weight in his limbs, his heart, his head. The soft emotions rub uncomfortably along the inside of his skull.

 

**Good morning, Eddie.** Venom's voice is soft and husky in Eddie's head, but the sound of it grates and feels louder than it actually is. He groans, grabbing onto his pillow and pulling it over his ears despite the action being utterly pointless.

 

A blossom of concern wells up in his chest as Venom shifts around.  **Eddie?**

 

Eddie wants to comfort his symbiote by pushing feelings of  _ I'm okay  _ and  _ I'm just tired, _ but he finds he has nothing to give. Anything he could have sent over the bond would have been disingenuous, a lie. So he stops trying.

 

His brief attempt at comforting Venom causes them to stiffen in alarm somewhere in the vicinity of his liver, where they had been systematically trying to suss out what was wrong. Eddie feels Venom slide their way through his torso and out his chest.

 

Eddie sighs and removes the pillows from around his head. He glances down at his chest where Venom has manifested, their glistening, blank white eyes scrunching up and conveying concern.

 

**Eddie?**

 

Eddie rolls onto his back again before reaching up to stroke along Venom's tendril like form. 

 

“I'm fine, bud,” he murmurs, eyes dipping closed once more.

 

**We don't like 'fine.’ Fine means too many things.** They push their head and back into Eddie's touch before moving closer to his face.

 

_ It's all I've got,  _ Eddie thinks, and he feels Venom's displeasure at the vague and utterly unhelpful answer.

 

Venom nudges at his jaw **. Eddie, what's wrong?**

 

_ Nothing _ .

 

**Can we help?**

 

Eddie feels what little energy he had slipping away. He cups his hand around Venom before rolling back to his side, not wanting to squish them. He opens his eyes again, catching sight of the clock sitting on his nightstand.

 

Huh. It was already almost one in the afternoon. He blinks slowly, waiting to feel the usual alarm he experiences when he sleeps in way too late. But nothing comes. 

 

**Food, Eddie?** Venom's voice is still quiet, but it is laced with confusion, concern, and a growing fear.

 

“Not now,” Eddie mumbles, even as he feels his stomach growl and clench, empty. 

 

**But hungry.** The symbiote nudges him in the face again. 

 

Eddie sighs. “I know, Bud. ‘m sorry.” 

 

He closes his eyes and feels exhaustion overtake him.

 

* * *

 

Venom is scared. 

 

Eddie had been fine last night; they had joked around together, watched a movie, ate tater tots and corn dogs. Eddie had been a little quieter than usual but Venom hadn’t thought much of it. Eddie always got quiet after munching down Bad Guys or finishing up a long article that he had stayed up to finish after working on it for three days straight. It wasn’t unusual behavior. 

 

But this morning is unusual. 

 

Venom draws up a tendril and pokes Eddie’s cheek. No response. They swarm up to his face and stare at him intently. Usually the intensity of his stare would cause Eddie to wake up with a start. It never failed to amuse Venom, watching Eddie flail around still half asleep and unsure of what was going on. But, again, nothing. Venom squirms and brings their tendril up to push against the crease that had formed between their host’s eyebrows. Eddie just shifts and pulls his limbs in closer.

 

Is he dreaming? Venom had experienced the phenomenon for the first time a few months back after waking up feeling as though they were drowning in Eddie’s terror. They had talked about it after, Eddie reassuring them that there were good dreams and bad dreams and that they were how human brains worked through the things floating in their heads. Venom had thought they seemed like an incredibly inefficient way of dealing things, but they had since found a routine where Venom helped Eddie through nightmares and they had since become a relatively rare occurrence. 

 

Thinking Eddie might be experiencing a different kind of nightmare than the ones they had seen in the past, Venom stretches their consciousness into Eddie’s, hoping to find what was wrong and fix it so they can get breakfast and start their day.

 

They immediately draw back in startled horror.

 

Nothing. There is nothing there. Just. Empty void. An empty, aching, void. Venom shoots back into Eddie, swarming through his chest, around his heart and lungs, up his spine and neck along his nervous system before curling up around his brain. It seems fine. Synapses are firing, it’s well oxygenated… there are areas that seem less active than usual, but they shouldn’t be causing the  _ emptiness _ that Venom senses. 

 

Venom moves back to Eddie’s chest, manifesting into a small puddle and watching their host’s face. They tap a tentacle in thought before glancing at Eddie’s phone sitting on the nightstand.

 

Eddie had said not to use it unless it was an absolute emergency. Venom has no idea if this is an emergency or not, but then he remembers the feeling of the void in Eddie’s thoughts and decides they don’t care if using it gets them in trouble.

 

Venom stretches for the phone and draws it close. They look at it, recalling Eddie’s instructions on how to pull up the emergency contacts. They prod the screen, grateful the tech that allows touch screens to work for humans works for them as well; they don’t feel like disturbing Eddie in that moment. 

 

Venom taps the picture of Anne and then the little speaker at the bottom. They squirm, listening to the ringing, hoping Anne picks up.

 

“Eddie! It’s been a while!”

 

Venom puddles out alongside the phone, relieved. Anne. Anne picked up. She will know what to do.

 

“Eddie?”

 

Oh shit. Right.

 

“ **Anne!** ”

 

“Venom? Oh god, is Eddie--?”

 

Venom quivers, their growing anxiety causing them to stretch bands of themselves around Eddie’s chest. “ **Eddie is...Eddie is okay. But not? We don’t understand.** ”

 

They hear Anne take a deep breath. “Ok, what’s going on, Venom? What’s he doing?”

 

“ **He sleeps. He woke up but then went to sleep again. We are hungry but he won’t get up to eat. He is…”** Venom prods at Eddie’s mind again. Yup, still empty. They shudder. “ **He is** **_empty_ ** **, Anne. Why does he feel empty?”**

 

Anne is silent on the other end of the line and Venom wants to eat the phone in frustration. Then they hear a sigh. 

 

“Oh, Eddie…” She says quietly, likely to herself. She continues, louder, “Is he still taking his medication?”

 

Venom perks up and looks over to the nightstand again. “ **The yellow bottle with the small, smelly capsules, correct?”**

 

“Yes, those.”

 

Venom thinks. “ **Yes, we have been taking them every day. What is wrong with Eddie?”**

 

More silence, and while Venom loves Anne and knows that Eddie would be very upset with them if something happened to her, they can’t help but want to eat her head at that moment. They almost tell her so, but she speaks up again before they can get the threat out.

 

“Eddie has something called chronic depression. It tends to come and go for him and tends to get especially bad around this time of year.”   
  


Venom hunches over the phone. “ **But we fix Eddie. Eddie is fine. We checked. This has not happened before.** ”

 

Another sigh. “It’s not that simple, Venom. It’s as much psychological as it is biological. It’s... complicated. Every human who experiences it experiences it differently than everyone else. It’s caused by chemical imbalances in the brain.” A pause. “When he was awake earlier, did he move? Speak?”

 

“ **Both.** ” This depression could keep his Eddie from talking? Moving? They tremble in trideptation.

 

“Good. That’s good.”

 

“ **But what can we do?** ”

 

“Just...well, I’d stay stick with him, but that’s already a given between you two.”

 

“ **We will not leave Eddie.”** Cannot. 

 

“I know. I know you won’t, Venom.” She hums. “Ok. Let him sleep for a little while longer. If he doesn’t stir in a few more hours, wake him up. Get him to eat something. He’ll say he doesn’t feel like eating, but you need to get him to eat. I’m sure you’ll have an easier time of that than I ever did. Get him to take a shower, even if it’s just to stand under the water. They used to always make him feel a bit better.”

 

Another pause, and Venom listens intently, hoping for more advice. The advice Anne has given them so far wasn’t much, but if she said it worked, it must work. Eddie trusts her, so Venom trusts her. She wouldn’t hurt Eddie.

 

“Look, just. Be patient with him. Gentle. If you can, h---” Anne cuts herself off.

 

“ **If we can, what? Anne?”**

 

Her voice is quieter. “Hold him, Venom. If you can, hold him. Humans thrive with contact. Touch.”

 

Again, Venom trembles slightly, though for different reasons this time. “ **Okay.** ”

 

“Alright. Good. Okay. You do those things, Venom, and I’ll come by later tonight after work to check in on you guys, alright?”

 

“ **Yes, Anne.** ”

 

“He’ll be okay. You both will. I’ll see you later.”

 

Venom disconnects without saying goodbye the way Eddie tells them is polite. They idly tap the phone while staring at a still sleeping Eddie. They can do this. They can take care of Eddie. They aren’t sure they understand what is wrong, exactly, but they will follow Anne’s instructions and make Eddie feel better.

 

They have to.

 

* * *

 

Eddie groggily comes to again some time later. He frowns and scrunches his eyebrows together, unsure what woke him up. 

 

A soft stroke through his hair and a poke to the side of his head answers his unasked question. 

 

“‘enom?” he mumbles. God, he feels like death. The stroking stops.

 

**Awake, Eddie?**

 

Eddie hums and rubs at his eyes before opening them to look at his clock.

 

Fuck. 04:07 PM. 

 

“Yeah…” he trails off. He rubs at his face with both hands and Venom continues running their tendrils through his hair. It feels...nice.

 

**You would not wake up earlier. We tried. We were hungry. But.** There is an unusual hesitancy in Venom’s words and Eddie feels himself shrink back from his Other in shame.

 

_ Couldn’t even get up this morning thought i was passed this god i’m a loser what good am i cant even take care of--- _

 

**NO!** Eddie flinches and Venom immediately sends an apology his way as they lower the intensity of their voice.  **No, it’s fine. You needed sleep. Anne said to let you sleep.**

 

“Anne said...Wait, Anne?”

 

His symbiote pulls back into him through the back of his neck, sheepishness rolling off them in waves. They pop back up on his chest as nothing more than a puddle of black goo. 

 

**You would not get up. We did not know why. Anne...you said we could call Anne if it was an emergency. We didn’t know what was wrong so we called. Said to let you sleep.**

 

Eddie pulls his hands down his face and stares at the ceiling for a moment before absently petting Venom with a finger. 

 

“Yeah. Ok.”

 

**Not mad?**

 

“No, not mad.”

 

**Get food now? Anne said you need food.**

 

Eddie wants to protest, but his stomach decides in that moment to give a tremendous growl. The blob of Venom on his chest perks up a little, the pink tip of their long tongue poking out in anticipation.

 

“Yeah, okay.” He feels like a broken record and he closes his eyes. He just wants to go back to sleep.

 

**Sleep again later. Food now. Then shower.**

 

Eddie lets out a reluctant chuckle. “Something else Anne said I needed?”

 

**Yes.**

Eddie sobers up. “Fine. What are we eating? And don’t say heads.”

 

Venom sulks.  **Not going to say heads, Eddie.**

 

Eddie smiles lightly before sighing. He pushes himself up into a sitting position and groans. He slept way too long and now his body is nothing but an aching mess. He pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, eyes shut tight.

 

**Eddie okay?**

 

_ Yeah, Bud. Just give me a sec, okay? _

 

He blinks his eyes open in dull surprise when he feels Venom swarm up to curl around his neck. His eyes meet Venom’s glassy white ones. 

 

**Whatever Eddie needs.** Despite Venom not really having a face at the moment, Eddie thinks they look completely earnest.

 

Eddie feels something in his chest crack and he lets out a stuttering breath. 

 

“Let’s go make some food, then.”

 

Venom’s eyes squint partially closed and Eddie can feel a purr rumble through the symbiote as they settle comfortably around his neck. 

 

**Pancakes?**

 

_ Maybe. _

 

The purring intensifies and Eddie smiles as he grudgingly gets to his feet.  
  


* * *

 

They do end up making pancakes -- nothing special, just a ‘just add milk!’ mixture poured onto the small griddle Anne had given him. Venom demands they add chocolate chips so he does; he’s pretty sure Venom adds a lot more when his back is turned because when he pours out the first pancake, it’s more chocolate than batter. Whatever, he owes his Other for making them wait so long before getting food.

 

**Owe us nothing, Eddie. You needed sleep and we could wait.**

 

“Since when?” he teases gently. Then, “But just because I feel like shit doesn’t mean you have to, too. It’s not fair to you.”

 

**We are a** **_We_ ** **, Eddie. We feel what you feel.**

 

Eddie sighs. “Yeah, don’t remind me.” He prods the pancakes listlessly with the spatula. Almost ready to flip. 

 

**We like feeling what you feel.**

 

Eddie raises a tired eyebrow. “Even when I feel like..” He gestures at himself.

 

He feels Venom prod gently at the inside of his head. It’s the weirdest sensation, like a tickling feather but also a building pressure not unlike going up in elevation too fast.

 

**We do not like this empty void-like feeling.** Eddie flinches, nearly toppling the pancake he was moving with the spatula.  **But it is** **_your_ ** **feeling, so we do not mind sharing in it.**

 

Something else deep within him cracks and Eddie rubs absently at his chest.

 

“I think these are done,” he mumbles, feeling awkward and slightly uncomfortable.

 

He still doesn’t have much of an appetite, so he didn’t make very many pancakes. He passes one to Venom, who snaps it up eagerly, and sets the rest on a paper plate. He thinks about grabbing the syrup but decides against it, instead just taking the plate to his ratty couch. 

  
Eddie eats mechanically, passing a torn off chunk of pancake to Venom periodically as he stares into the middle distance. Venom is unusually quiet and Eddie would feel guilty about being such a downer, except the longer he’s awake, the more numb he becomes. The weight settles back down in his chest and gut and it’s nothing like the comforting weight of Venom when they curl up amongst his organs and bones. This is an empty weight, cold and dull.

 

Eddie stops chewing and glances at his plate, the bite he just took turning to ash in his mouth. He drops the remaining pancake on his plate.

 

“Want these?”

 

Venom looks at him, head cocked to the side, before moving to gulp down the remaining pancakes.

 

Eddie contemplates just turning sideways on the couch and crashing again, but before he can so much as twitch, he feels Venom tug at his shirt.

 

**Shower. Then sleep.**

 

Eddie sighs, but gets up. He sets the plate on the counter as he passes, too apathetic to care about the growing pile of dishes, and makes his way to the bathroom with shuffling feet. 

 

Venom quietly helps him out of his clothes before stretching forward and hitting the handle to turn the water on. Eddie steps into the shower and Venom draws the curtain shut. He stands there, staring at his feet as the water rushes down the drain. The hot water runs down his body, beats against his neck and shoulders, drips off his hair and the tip of his nose. It’s calming. Relaxing. 

 

He can’t bring himself to wash, and instead just lets the water run. Venom seems fine with this and curls  up around his throat and collarbone. Every now and then they stretch out their head, mouth open wide, to drink water from the warm spray. Eddie quirks up the side of his mouth at this, slightly amused despite the empty ache that is steadily growing in his chest.

 

After a while, Venom shuts off the water and opens the curtain.  **Come on, Eddie. Sleep now.**

 

Eddie grunts and grabs a towel to wrap around his waist. Not looking at his reflection in the mirror, Eddie makes his way out of the bathroom and towards his bed; he shivers at the chilly air. He stands there a moment, not seeing anything, before Venom nudges him between the shoulder blades.

 

**Eddiiieeee,** Venom whines, and Eddie sits on the bed. 

 

Venom huffs and stretches out a tendril to open the dresser before flinging a pair of boxers and a large, soft shirt in Eddie’s direction; he’s too tired to dodge them and they hit him in the face. He towels off, his movements slow, before dressing. Venom nudges him again and he lays down on the bed, pulling the blankets up over his shoulders. 

 

The two stare at each other for a moment before Eddie feels a mental tug as Venom begins flipping through his memories. He blinks.

 

“Wha--?” is all he gets out before images run passed his mind’s eye. His mother hugging him when he was just a boy. Holding hands with Anne. Curling up on the couch with Alan, a boyfriend from college. Image after image of various forms of physical affection he had shared with the people in his life he cared about most. 

 

The pit in his chest grows wider and his breath hitches, but before he can say anything, Venom is curling up around him. They settle against his back and drape a part of themselves over his waist, another tendril reaching up to twine around his hand and between his fingers. 

 

Eddie freezes and Venom pauses for a second before tentatively squeezing, a question drifting between them. They draw the two of them closer together and apply a grounding pressure to Eddie’s body. 

 

The aching thing in his chest pushes back before it collapses in on itself. 

 

Eddie lets out a gasp as a sob escapes him. His body shakes and he tries to keep it all in but the sobs tear out of him, a rushing torrent. Distantly, he feels Venom begin to draw back, panic coursing through the tether binding them together. Desperately, Eddie clutches onto what parts of Venom he can and holds on, pulling them close. 

 

**Eddie?** Venom’s voice is quieter than he’s ever heard it and it’s tinged with concern and fear and the sensation of being overwhelmed. 

 

Eddie buries his face in the parts of Venom that have made their way over his shoulders and close to his head. He tries sending feelings of  _ thank you _ and  _ please stay _ and  _ holdmeholdmeholdme _ but he isn’t sure how successful he is. His breathing is coming harsh and haggard, his face is covered in snot and tears, embarrassing gasping sounds of stress, pain, longing, need, desperation, and aching emptiness escaping unheeded from his mouth. 

 

Venom curls tighter around him, holding him close and projecting comfort and love to his beloved host.

 

**We got you, Eddie. Got you. You’re safe. We got you.**

 

* * *

 

Countless minutes pass this way. Everytime Venom thinks Eddie is calming down, the sobs would ratchet up all over again. Venom strokes along Eddie’s flushed skin, holds him close, speaks as softly as they are capable of in an attempt to soothe. They have no idea if their efforts help but they keep them up until finally, finally, Eddie’s crying turns to stuttering breaths. Venom stays where they are, afraid any movements would trigger more tears, but, eventually, Eddie’s breaths even out and turn deep and slow, the breaths of sleep.

 

Cautiously, Venom brushes up along Eddie’s mind. Had they needed to breathe, they would have sighed in relief. As it is, their form relaxes into a puddle. Eddie’s mind is still... _ off _ , but it is no longer empty. It swirls with the complicated emotions and sensations Venom has learned to associate with their human. They are dull, muted, but they are there. It’s a start.

 

Venom basks for a moment in the reappearance of these emotions, subdued as they are, before remembering that Anne is supposed to be stopping by later. Not wanting Eddie to wake up or feel embarrassed at Anne seeing him in such a state, they reach a tendril out in search of the phone once again.

 

Tapping it open, Venom looks for the ‘messaging’ icon. Finding it, they then open up Eddie’s last conversation with Anne.

 

Venom painstakingly pokes out a message. 

 

17:32 -- Eddie Brock

[eddiiiiiii okk fed andf clean…..- sleeeeping now. Dont com over. Vizitt latrr]

 

The phone chimes softly a few minutes later. Contentment flowing through them, Venom reads the message -- it’s straightforward and to the point, very Anne.

 

17:34 -- Annie

[I’m glad he’s doing alright. Take care of him and I’ll see you both tomorrow] 

 

Venom purrs. They’d learn how to be the best at taking care of Eddie. But for now, they were happy to drift off with him, curling up close and protective, limbs tangled together.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Comments are GREATLY appreciated, as is con crit. If you see any errors (grammar or spelling) please let me know so I can fix them.
> 
> Thanks guys <3


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